


New Air, Dead Lungs

by cinderfell



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Manipulation, Gen, Motherhood (Of A Sort), Pre-Canon, Resurrection, Temporary Character Death, brief mention of vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 14:21:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10878615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinderfell/pseuds/cinderfell
Summary: Cassandra dies in the woods when she’s thirteen but she's not allowed to stay that way for long.





	New Air, Dead Lungs

**Author's Note:**

> hoo boy this isn't even that dark but it's dark for ME.
> 
> really though, a lot of emotionally manipulative things (including the use of magic) around delilah's pseudo-motherhood ahead, so if that's something that squicks you out maybe skip this one?

Cassandra dies in the woods when she’s thirteen, arrows protruding from her back as she bleeds out.

She doesn’t understand at first, brain too addled with pain and then numbness and then nothing-- and then more nothing, and then numbness and suddenly _pain_ , so much pain and soft arms holding her in their lap and a hand at the back of her head. Her eyes don’t focus right away, and for a long moment all there is is the dance of dark purple sparks against the blur. And then it starts to clear. The forest is gone, the red-stained snow is gone. (Percival is gone.)

Cassandra is young and scared and confused but when she awakens in Lady Briarwood's arms in the center of a ritual circle, she _knows_.

The first word she says on newborn lips escapes before she can stop herself, her limbs and bones and heart and _soul_ too sore.

 _“Mommy,”_ she cries, her voice barely louder than a whisper but harsh to her own ears. It’s a fear-based response, a childish cry for protection despite knowing better. She hasn’t called Johanna anything but Mother in years, not past the tender age of nine when she decided she was too old for it-- and even in this moment she feels foolish, knows how achingly small she is compared to everything that’s just happened.  


Delilah smiles then. It’s a soft smile, a warm smile, something that looks wrong and makes Cassandra’s stomach churn. The hand that she’s been holding the back of Cassandra’s head slowly begins to smooth over her hair, petting her in a way that's wrong, _so wrong_ because this is what Vesper did, what Johanna did. “She’s not here, child. But I am.”

She knows this, of course. Johanna was one of the first to be disposed of after that woman in the dungeons-- the one with Percy-- got whatever information out of her that the Briarwoods were looking for.

Hot tears well up in the corners of Cassandra’s eyes and Delilah brings her other hand up to wipe them away, her touch unnervingly cold in the way that only those who have bargained with things beyond this realm are.

“I have always wanted a daughter. Did you know that?” She does. In the week before this-- before she broke Percival free, before they ran into the woods together and he left her to die-- Delilah told her that a handful of times as she brushed her hair, tempted her with sweets and cakes as if the same hands now trying to urge her towards the older woman like a frightened animal weren’t the same hands that helped massacre her family. Parts of the week between the slaughter and now are unfocused and blurry to her, like a mirror that’s been fogged over. Cassandra is young but she is smart, and she knows that part of this must be her trying to cope with what she’s been thrown into, and yet--  


And yet she remembers the way Lady Briarwood had simply flicked a hand and rotted the flesh from parts of Johanna’s legs, the way she’d spun a finger and thrown her across the room once Johanna had stood up again; she remembers the way Delilah pressed her hands against the small of Cassandra’s back, her shoulders, the crook of her neck-- the way she’d leaned in and whispered soft words in a honey-glazed voice and all the youthful defiance remaining in her had vanished.

Delilah runs her hand down Cassandra’s damp cheek, cups it lightly as she looks down at her with an expression that would be almost affectionate and matronly on anyone else. “You died and I brought you back. I gave you the air in your lungs and the beat of your heart. In a sense, doesn’t that make me your mother? And you my daughter?”

Revulsion strikes Cassandra and she gags, choking up nothing but blood and clear fluid all over herself and Delilah’s dress. Delilah seems unbothered, simply pulls a handkerchief out of her pocket and wipes down Cassandra’s face. She flinches back from the woman’s touch but finds herself held in place.

“Oh, pup,” Delilah says, and Cassandra _writhes_ in her arms at that, her parents’ endearment for their children on one of their murderer’s lips. Delilah holds her steady, puts the handkerchief down and holds her face again. “You’ve been through so much. Be still, child.”  


The pulse of sickly warm energy hits her and all at once it’s quiet, too quiet, the world falling back into a familiar blur. Her movements stop although she wants nothing more than to be free, her panicked and labored breathing calming despite how utterly terrified she is. Everything seems to slow, the world narrowing in until the only thing in focus is Delilah looming down above her; Delilah pushing blood and sweat-slick hair out of Cassandra’s face as she cradles her in her lap in a grotesque mockery of motherly affection and comfort.

She thinks of Johanna’s face and finds the details blurred, and the small part of her that’s still holding on wonders if she’ll still remember what her mother looked like when this is over-- if this is ever over.

**Author's Note:**

> this drabble was mostly conceived because a) the pseudo-motherly relationship lady briarwood had with cassanda is fascinating b) bc of a conversation with a friend that made me realize i love the idea of cassandra actually succumbing to her wounds from the arrows and delilah bringing her back; if anything, it would be another thing for delilah to hold over cassandra as a reason why she was theirs now - delilah would literally be giving cassandra a new life.


End file.
